The Deal We Don’t Talk About

Nobody likes to admit they got taken advantage of.

Not in poker, not in marriage, not in business — and especially not when buying a car.

Every week, I hear from customers who tell me, “I really negotiated hard. They tried to trick me, but I outsmarted them.” What I rarely hear is, “I think I got fooled.”

And yet, (the data from the FTC, from Consumer Reports, from mystery-shopping reports) tell a different story. The majority of car buyers don’t get the deal they think they got. They overpay, buy unnecessary add-ons, or are misled by confusing paperwork. It’s not always intentional deception; sometimes it’s just the culture of the car business — and the silence of embarrassed customers — that allows it to continue.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Seth Godin recently wrote about the power of addressing the “uncomfortable and unspoken.” He used the example of colonoscopies — awkward to talk about, but life-saving. Cultural silence keeps people from doing what’s good for them.

It’s the same with buying a car. Admitting you were misled feels humiliating, so most people avoid it. They tell themselves (and their friends), “I got a great deal!” Everyone nods, egos stay intact, and the industry keeps running on the same old tricks.

The Cultural Cover-Up

Car dealers thrive on this social silence. They count on customers being too embarrassed to admit they were taken. That’s why the worst practices — hidden fees, inflated markups, worthless add-ons — persist. Not because people don’t care, but because they don’t talk.

We could fix a huge portion of the abuse in the car business overnight if more buyers simply told the truth about their experience.

Changing the Culture

Public health campaigns work by breaking silence. When people start talking about things that once made them uncomfortable — whether colonoscopies, mental health, or drunk driving — the culture shifts.

Why can’t we do that with car buying?

Imagine if customers began saying:

“I found hidden fees in my contract.”

“Next time, I’ll demand an out-the-door price.”

“I compared my deal online and realized I overpaid.”

That honesty wouldn’t just help one buyer — it would transform the marketplace.

The Courage to Admit

Admitting you were fooled once doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise.

The real shame isn’t in being taken advantage of.

The shame is in staying silent — so others can be taken advantage of, too.

If we can talk openly about colonoscopies, we can talk honestly about car buying.